My Sense of Humor is a Little Darker than I thought, and Less Funny

Here's a recent message I left on a friend's Facebook profile. He, a Twins fan (which I learned the very moment I read his claim), had just claimed that "this was our year man," so I replied. It's called "writing on his wall":

You may be right, friend, perhaps the one-eyed ghost of Kirby Puckett will guide the Twins to the Promised Land. I just hope Joe Mauer has shaved those effing sideburns by now.

Google just taught me that his girlfriend is quite the looker, though, so what do I know from sideburns?