Does this mean that Ben will Finally be...Happy?

Will Leitch is Out as Deadspin Editor

Unless, of course, Ben's subscription to New York Magazine is now spoilt.

2008 Previews - Rounding Out The NL Central (Assuming Ted Handles the 'Stros)

Reds --

Read this adorable post, which attempts to rationally explain why a Corey Patterson signing makes good sense for the Reds.

Whatever helps you sleep at night, Cincinnati.

Cubs --

Viable closer candidates at the beginning of camp: Four (can you name them??).

Viable closer candidates at the end of camp: Zero

Number of times in the last three years that a Cubs player has missed time due to a horrible, horrible injury: Two

Pirates -- "I'm a baseball fan...Get Me Out of Here!"

2007 Record: 68-94.

Free agents signed in the offseason: 1 (utility infielder Whosit McWhatshisface for 1 year/$1 million)

Major leaguers traded for prospects: ½ (RP Saloman Torres, who is currently suing the team over $1.5 million)

Number of rivers convenient to PNC Park for Pirates fans who want to just the pain to go away: 3 (can you name them??)

Brewers --

This team scares me.

Watch out for Bratwurst. He knows how to fight dirty, and after finishing in the cellar last year, the chip on his shoulder will be awfully big.


Answers:

Cubs--Wood (back-spasms), Marmol (wildness), Howry (ineffectiveness), Dempster (just not that good, wants to be a starter)

Pirates (this said "Reds" for a week and no one called me to complain--whew!) -- Ohio, Allegheny, and Monongahela

2008 Preview - Letters to Each Team

Dear O's,

If I could enclose a teardrop in a blog post I would. I'm thinking you should maybe just tell Kevin Millar to go to hell. Don't worry the Nats will be playing in Oklahoma City by 2011.

Yours,

Natty Bumppo

P.S. Getting rid of Tejada was quite frankly a triumph for human dignity.

2008 Preview - Letters to Each Team

Dear Southern Illinois Miners of the Independent Frontier League,

I am looking into attending one of your games on July 5th of this year. Please note I will pay 6 times the face value of a ticket if you abstain from any wacky promotions during at least two of the following innings: 2nd, 3rd, 6th, 8th. Let's just see what happens if we go one game without the dizzy bat race.

Yours,

Natty Bumppo

P.S. Plastic Dirt? A brillant idea.

2008 Preview - Letters to Each Team

Dear Cardinals,

As an Illinois resident I cannot tell you how happy I am that a native of our state, Will Letich, the Pol Pot of his generation is not a fan of either of our professional teams. How do I know this you ask. Because he never shuts the fuck up - that's how. You might want to think about retiring Ducky Medwick's testicles.

Yours,

Natty Bumppo

P.S. Don't forget to complain to Royals fans about game 6 of the 1985 World Series.

2008 Preview - Letters to Each Team

Dear White Sox,

If baseball fans had as much passion for their teams as college football fans do then www.fireozzieguillen.com would have been an operating web page months ago.

Yours,

Natty Bumppo

P.S. Trade Joe Crede for a sack of mulch if you can.

2008 Preview - Letters to Each Team

Dear Mets,

There is no chance Santana will win more than 14 games this year. Don't you remember the Frank Viola and Bret Saberhagen experiments of the early 1990's? You don't? I do. They were craptastic. Also your new stadium could do with a little less brick.

Yours,

Natty Bumppo

P.S. 10 points for not firing Willie Randolph.