2008 Previews - Rounding Out The NL Central (Assuming Ted Handles the 'Stros)

Reds --

Read this adorable post, which attempts to rationally explain why a Corey Patterson signing makes good sense for the Reds.

Whatever helps you sleep at night, Cincinnati.

Cubs --

Viable closer candidates at the beginning of camp: Four (can you name them??).

Viable closer candidates at the end of camp: Zero

Number of times in the last three years that a Cubs player has missed time due to a horrible, horrible injury: Two

Pirates -- "I'm a baseball fan...Get Me Out of Here!"

2007 Record: 68-94.

Free agents signed in the offseason: 1 (utility infielder Whosit McWhatshisface for 1 year/$1 million)

Major leaguers traded for prospects: ½ (RP Saloman Torres, who is currently suing the team over $1.5 million)

Number of rivers convenient to PNC Park for Pirates fans who want to just the pain to go away: 3 (can you name them??)

Brewers --

This team scares me.

Watch out for Bratwurst. He knows how to fight dirty, and after finishing in the cellar last year, the chip on his shoulder will be awfully big.


Answers:

Cubs--Wood (back-spasms), Marmol (wildness), Howry (ineffectiveness), Dempster (just not that good, wants to be a starter)

Pirates (this said "Reds" for a week and no one called me to complain--whew!) -- Ohio, Allegheny, and Monongahela

2008 Preview - Letters to Each Team

Dear O's,

If I could enclose a teardrop in a blog post I would. I'm thinking you should maybe just tell Kevin Millar to go to hell. Don't worry the Nats will be playing in Oklahoma City by 2011.

Yours,

Natty Bumppo

P.S. Getting rid of Tejada was quite frankly a triumph for human dignity.

2008 Preview - Letters to Each Team

Dear Southern Illinois Miners of the Independent Frontier League,

I am looking into attending one of your games on July 5th of this year. Please note I will pay 6 times the face value of a ticket if you abstain from any wacky promotions during at least two of the following innings: 2nd, 3rd, 6th, 8th. Let's just see what happens if we go one game without the dizzy bat race.

Yours,

Natty Bumppo

P.S. Plastic Dirt? A brillant idea.

2008 Preview - Letters to Each Team

Dear Cardinals,

As an Illinois resident I cannot tell you how happy I am that a native of our state, Will Letich, the Pol Pot of his generation is not a fan of either of our professional teams. How do I know this you ask. Because he never shuts the fuck up - that's how. You might want to think about retiring Ducky Medwick's testicles.

Yours,

Natty Bumppo

P.S. Don't forget to complain to Royals fans about game 6 of the 1985 World Series.

2008 Preview - Letters to Each Team

Dear White Sox,

If baseball fans had as much passion for their teams as college football fans do then www.fireozzieguillen.com would have been an operating web page months ago.

Yours,

Natty Bumppo

P.S. Trade Joe Crede for a sack of mulch if you can.

2008 Preview - Letters to Each Team

Dear Mets,

There is no chance Santana will win more than 14 games this year. Don't you remember the Frank Viola and Bret Saberhagen experiments of the early 1990's? You don't? I do. They were craptastic. Also your new stadium could do with a little less brick.

Yours,

Natty Bumppo

P.S. 10 points for not firing Willie Randolph.

2008 Preview - Letters to Each Team

Dear Royals,

My two best friends are fans of yours. But when this is the best thing you have going for you that pretty much means you're fucked. I love the curse of Steve Balboni though. America needs more Balboni's.

Yours,

Natty Bumppo.

P.S. If a Cardinal fan ever bitches about game 6 of the 1985 World Series tell them to please shut the fuck up.

Baseball Preview: Letters to Each Team

Dear Rays,

Nice fucking hats. You will be forever outcast because your team just isn't twee enough for the baseball congoscenti - but this is your greatest strength. And while Baseball Prospectus predicts you will win 22 more games than last year you should know that their writers are full of shit and got laid much less in high school than your former top draft pick Delmon Young. I will still root for you though - at least until Scott Kazmir's rotator cuff explodes.

Yours,

Natty Bummpoo

P.S. Your sister is a slut.

2008 MLB baseball - One Sentence Preview - Los Angeles Angels

AL West - The Los Angeles Angels' starting rotation is filled with guys who seem like they would be a-holes to hang out with at a karaoke bar or an amusement park.

and then of course, naturally...

this nugget, keeping us on top of the developing story:

Matsui update

Astros second baseman Kaz Matsui is expected to miss four or five days after being diagnosed with a condition known as anal fissure.

While surfing for this mediocre picture, I came across this site. The guy is a black belt in the art of the self-snapshot where you reach your arm out and take a picture hopefully with a celebrity or cheerleader in the background. You can barely tell he's taking a self portrait unless you look carefully and he's also very good at the thumbs up.

Do we really need...

Astros' Matsui to leave camp for hemorrhoid treatment

Aaron Rogers! Hollah!

It is time to say goodbye to Brett Favre. He has been a dear friend, and the star QB of my favorite football team since I was eight years old. I think he left in a good way, leaving a young team that should have a bright future, and going out on a very high note. I'm honored to have been at his final regular season game, where I watching him tear the Lion's throat out while their star QB got in a fight with fans on the sideline.

But enough has been written about Brett and his phenominal career (which even the Bears fans around the office must admit was impressive). It is time to look to the future of the young recieving core, fresh lines, and solid secondary. It is time to look to Aaron Rogers.


I'll start off by saying that I like this guy. I liked him two years ago when I saw him in preseason, and I liked him this year when he came out and ran the five reciever offense like clockwork. I almost bought an Aaron Rogers jersey in 2006, just to mix things up a bit, but never got around to it. I don't know enough about the mechanics of quarterbacking to analyze him, but I do know that when he's been called in I don't feel like the game is lost. He's a serious QB, and while there will be a learning period, my impression is that he's pretty close to ready to run the show.

He's also surrounded by a young team that's just clicked with each other. Brett was right when he said the odds are very long for this team to have another championship-caliber year, but it's perfect timing to throw a new general in there and let them learn each other. I'm excited to watch a new team emerge, to see how they'll play without the one rock to stand on. The only thing left to say is please, Brett, please stay retired. If you show up playing on the Jaguars in 2009 I'm going to cry.