Sunday, April 29, 2007

things we cannot do


as most of the sports world celebrates the NFL Draft (you do realize no actual "games" are being played in this thing) P.T.G. International Correspondant Mikhal Derango points out the following achievemtns from people less horridly obese than your average offensive lineman or middle reliever:

1. On Saturday Alan Webb ran the fastest mile in the world this year in a time of 3:51; which would have made him easily the coolest person in my high school gym class (note Webb went to the same high school as Duke legend Grant Hill)

2. Ryan Hall finished a respectable 7th in the elite London Marathon and is looking for a medal in the 2008 Olympics and also owns the U.S. half-marathon record of 59:43 - which quite frankly is ridiculous; even better than when I ran a half-marathon and didn't pass this Artie Lange look alike until mile 11 heard the guy say he had been out until 3 the morning before, hadn't run in ages, and then saw the same dude getting plowed at 10:30 a.m. 5 minutes after the race in the largely empty "Half-Marathon beer tent"

3. these people are just pretty much insanse but I refuse to live in a society that considers them more insanse than any person who would consider watching ESPN's live coverage of Round 6 of the NFL draft

Saturday, April 28, 2007

don't throw against Washington next year

only the washington post can throw in at least 6 jabs against the home team's draft pick in its first article about said pick - I can't tell how that balances out on the good/bad scale

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

No Great Loss (This Year, Anyway)


"Churlish."

"Disdain."

"Condescension."

In his obitu--er--article today, Tribune writer Paul Sullivan uses those three words to describe Mark Prior's attitude towards the media, his relationship with Cubs management, and his general demeanor. It was good to see someone point out this truth about Prior: whoever he was as a pitcher, he was not a very nice guy.

It sure worked out for the Minnesota twins, who passed over Prior in the 2001 draft because they got word through channels that he didn't want to play for them. Churlish.

I have long been open about the moment that I became a serious Cubs fan: watching the 2003 NLDS. By the time the Marlins came to town, I was hooked (unintentional, but now that I see it, I'm leaving it in). Prior played a role the success, certainly. However, my most striking memory from Prior's 18-6 season that year was his tantrum on the mound after Steve Bartman played his fool's role in Cubs history. I can still see the whining, slighted look on Prior's face. "Why me? How did I get stuck with this?" it seemed to say. From an emotional standpoint, that low-key (always low-key with Number 22) hissy-fit ended the season's hope.

After that, I was never a big fan of Prior.

The Cubs did him no favors with their cloak-and-dagger handling of his many mysterious ailments, and the team undoubtedly contributed to the media circus that surrounded his shoulder, his elbow, his mysteriously disabling case of the flu, which set him back at least a month in 2005.
Compare that to the game Michael Jordan played in the 96-97 NBA Finals. Diagnosed with the flu the night before, Jordan managed to get out of bed at 3 pm and make the 6 pm tipoff. He scored 38 points. Jordan's ginormous ego notwithstanding, he wasn't on the court for himself that night. He was on it for the team and for the fans.
Prior represents the same talent, only failed. He will be remembered as a perpetual victim of "discomfort" and "stiffness." That is Prior's ultimate legacy with this team. Much has been made of Curt Schilling and his bloody sock, but all I will say about it is that Mark Prior would not have been out on the mound that night. It's just not in his nature. The Cubs (and their fans) needed Prior, and he just wasn't around. More importantly in the eyes of many fans, it seemed like he was never in any rush to get back and play. No one ever had to slow him down or restrain him. He seemed to make no distinction between towel drills and big league starts. Both saw the same mixture of boredom and irritation.

More recently, after countless months of "rehab," Prior arrived at Spring Training this year nearly ready to pitch, but when he actually got into games, he was shelled. Under such distressing circumstances, the press got a whole news cycle out of the game when his velocity "might" have reached 93, depending on whose radar gun you went by. Cubs management had finally made the decision to plan without Prior, and we ended up with five (well, 4.5, sorry, Wade Miller) pitchers ready to break camp. The front office made a tough decison: Prior wasn't ready to help the team, and he would be placed with AAA Iowa until he could contribute. His reaction:

"There's not much I can do. I'm a controlled player, and I do what I'm told. I'm not going to compete any less just because of where I'm at," he said. "I'll go down and help that team win, and try to make the Triple-A All-Star team and maybe I'll get invited to the Futures Game or something. I'm still 26."

It's hard to tell with that monotone voice of his, but I'm guessing that was sarcasm.

Prior has been paid roughly eight million dollars over the last two years to win a single game. I understand his disappointment at being demoted, but I don't appreciate such sarcastic vitriol from a pitcher who can't find the plate with his hanging curve and can't break 90 with his fasball. What else were the Cubs going to do with him? By implying that he and his calves had been disrespected, Prior showed once and for all the level of respect he has for the idea of the Team. There was never any team with Prior. There was him, his ego, and a whole slew of wrongs and misfortunes heaped upon him by a capricious fate and an ungrateful organization.

In contrast, consider our other failed wunderkid, Kerry Wood. Kid K took a low-salary, incentive-laden deal to come back to the Cubs this year, in part to pay off his debt to the organization and the fans. He too has contributed almost nothing over the last few years. Wood took a paycut because he deserved it, at a time when he had better offers on the table. He did it because he liked or at least respected the company and what it stood for. It's speculation, but one gets the sense that Prior would have been out of Chicago just as soon as he'd accrued enough service time to earn the right. I'll be writing another post like this in the near future for Wood, but his intentions have always been fairly good. When Kerry doesn't talk to the media, it's because he's mad--at himself.

Prior will likely spend 2007 on the Cubs' 60-day disabled list, and when the season is over, be non-tendered by the club. That will be it. At least, as far as Chicago is concerned. Like the man said, he's 26, and Prior will come back to the game, on another team. Most Cubs fans don't have enough gas left in the tank to feel betrayed. They shouldn't, as it's best for everyone at this point.

It's a sad story, but I'm not going to feel bad for Mark Prior.

He does enough of that all by himself.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Cubs Round-Up

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Monday, April 23, 2007

Astros Round-Up


- Slumping Astros slugger Lance Berkman, on the fact that he is a slumping Astros slugger:

"What am I concerned about? The poverty level of some nations in the world, growing national debt and dependence on foreign oil," he said. "Those are things to be concerned about."

- Craig Biggio career hits watch: 2,945. Every eligible player in the top 38 (Bidge is #29 for god's sakes) is in the Hall of Fame. No word yet on whether Rafael Palmeiro plans to attend the ceremony.

- The Houston Chronicle is the worst example I've seen yet of the whole "let's give a beat writer a mike and a camera and pretend he is a TV personality" phenom. Unwatchable.

- Carlos Lee can hit, the only negative side effect of which includes the fact there is already a fanboy weird group in left field called the Caballitas or some such.

U.S.C. could be an interesting team soon


U.S.C. basketball has generally been overshadowed by its dominant football program and cross-town rival UCLA

but now that U.S.C. has former horrible horrible Chicago Bulls coach Tim Floyd in charge they are making some noise

first they sign "Chucker Extraordinaire" O.J. Mayo who brings undeniable talent and about as much baggage as you can win on the Showcase Showdown

now they sign Lil' Romeo which I actually find kind of unlikely as most big time athletic programs don't have much need for 5'8 shoot-first point guards weened on grade C competition

but please please make is so, and please against all odds make O.J. Mayo stay for his sophomore year - for I'm pretty sure a backcourt of O.J. Mayo and Lil' Romeo would cause Billy Packer's head to explode

Sunday, April 22, 2007

oh lord oh my god

as I was turning to read Maureen Dowd in the Times yesterday (a column worth reading since it basically ended the presidential hopes of John Edwards)

I came across another editorial from Deadspin editor Will Leitch

Please:

1. Read
2. Commence Eye Rolling
3. Finish Eye Rolling
4. Read comments below

Comments:

1. When reading a Leitch piece you are just waiting and waiting for him to lay out that overwrought prose that he deals in so well. Here you have to wait until almost the end of the column and you might start to worry it isn't there and then BAM you get: "The beauty of sports is not in its grays" and then KAPLOW he hits you with: "But being a sports fan requires a finite amount of time and dedication."

2. Leitch also writes: "If you are sitting down to watch your team for two-and-a-half hours, and you are rooting for your team to lose, I question just how much a fan of that team you really are." - To which I reply: "Do you." (Apologies to the immortal Jimmy Norton)

3. Why is Leitch a fan of the Arizona Cardinals? As he is fond of reminding us he grew up in Mattoon, Illinois. Which apparently is close enough to St. Louis that you root for St. Louis teams even though you live don't live anywhere near Missouri. So when Leitch was young he presumably rooted for the football St. Louis Cardinals. But the problem is they moved to Arizona in 1987. And a few years later St. Louis got the Rams. Why does Leitch still root for a team in which he has no geographic connection whatsoever? Clearly for one reason. So he can tell everyone again and again that's he a Arizona Cardinal fan. In Letich's puerile worldview stuff like that means everything. You can see Leitch looking in the mirror and being really proud of himself over something like that while he's having sex in the bathroom.

I don't hate Leitch. He's living the dream. But does he need to be knocked down a few pegs - certainly.

Friday, April 20, 2007

a visual guide to the last post

aside from the death of millions and millions of people I see little difference between the propaganda posters of World War I and II and yesterday's picture in the Madison paper - judge for thyself:



Wisconsin Gives Up!!



in the biggest college basketball matchup ever (aside from this one)

Wisconsin travels to Duke next fall - sadly it appears that Wisconsin fans have already thrown in the towel Rocky IV style

note in the article the continuing propoganda war against Duke; the only picture being one of K complaining to a ref; Duke has now reached the stage in the American media that Germany reached in World War I

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Cricket World Cup Update


a water cooler conversation in my office today between an Australian and a Indian reminded me of the existence of the Cricket World Cup

one of these coworkers I don't think of as completely batshit insane (not the Australian) and he attempted to explain the rules of the game to me

I can thus report the following facts:

-Cricket although similar to baseball seems much more confusing

-and you don't run a lot

time I spent in Australia taught me that Cricket fans are very similar to George Will / Bob Costas American-style baseball fans meaning that if PTG contributors Ted and Paul were from Sri Lanka they would love them some cricket

PTG endorses this website to follow the Cricket World Cup Semi-Finals next week

and lastly a coach of a premier team kinda got strangled at this thing

Saturday, April 14, 2007

when updates are slow...


P.T.G. suggests you check out the vaguely creepy yet vaguely uplifting sports comic Gil Thorp. Of course P.T.G. cautions you to skip over any older Thorp strips that were written by "Left Behind" nutjob Jerry Jenkins.

Friday, April 6, 2007

He Pitches both Ways

It's like Paul and Ted all rolled up into one!

Thursday, April 5, 2007

College Basketball Recap


In 2001 Duke won the National Championship, all their star players decided to forgo the NBA for another shot at the title and their coach was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame.

Since that moment its been one debacle after another for me college basketball wise. Check out the winners of the NCAA tournament since 2001 and my accompanying hate index:

2002 - Maryland (the hate index cannot measure my hate here)
2003- Syracuse (happily very low on the hate index)
2004- UConn (the hate index dramatically spikes upward again)
2005 - Carolina (God made the hate index for moments like this)
2006 - Florida (God tells me from up high that I need a bigger hate index)
2007- Florida (the new God-approved larger hate index registers an all-time high)

Based on these recent results and my hate index here is who I predict will win the next couple of tournaments:

2008 - the Taliban
2009 - convicted child molesters
2010 - the ghost of Hitler

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

My Sense of Humor is a Little Darker than I thought, and Less Funny

Here's a recent message I left on a friend's Facebook profile. He, a Twins fan (which I learned the very moment I read his claim), had just claimed that "this was our year man," so I replied. It's called "writing on his wall":

You may be right, friend, perhaps the one-eyed ghost of Kirby Puckett will guide the Twins to the Promised Land. I just hope Joe Mauer has shaved those effing sideburns by now.

Google just taught me that his girlfriend is quite the looker, though, so what do I know from sideburns?

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One Line Baseball Preview for Every Team (Even Though the Season Has Already Started)


Houston Astros: Wow, our bullpen really blows.

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