Baseball Preview: Letters to Each Team

Dear Rays,

Nice fucking hats. You will be forever outcast because your team just isn't twee enough for the baseball congoscenti - but this is your greatest strength. And while Baseball Prospectus predicts you will win 22 more games than last year you should know that their writers are full of shit and got laid much less in high school than your former top draft pick Delmon Young. I will still root for you though - at least until Scott Kazmir's rotator cuff explodes.

Yours,

Natty Bummpoo

P.S. Your sister is a slut.