Sammy Sosa has earned his charisma

Sammy Sosa has returned after a 2006 season spent power-jogging along the crests of snowy Russian mountains with a log on his shoulders. He cut down the tree himself, and single-handedly operated a two-man handsaw to craft the log, with appropriately spaced hand-holes. He also wrestled with a Russian bear every Tuesday morning, and rinsed his mouth with vodka before bed each night (at 7 p.m.)




Incidentally, Seattle's nearly bionic Horacio Ramirez has been training under the strict supervision of a team of scientist-fascists in preparation for his clash with Sosa somewhere around April 15. Sosa will be paying the taxes...of his life and career!