Rumors of Life on the Frozen Tundra

Hey, loyal Pie Traynor fans! Remember me? You old pal Dave? Well, in case it's been forgotten, let's not forget that I made the first ever post on this here sports blog. Granted it was one of my last, but I'm back! And I'm all charged up from my morning's Sports Center viewing yesterday which featured stories about both the Green Bay Packers and the Wisconsin Badgers football team. The earliest spring murmors of football always get me going.

First of all, yes, Favre is attending the Packers minicamp this year. I know, I know, he said that thing about wanting to see his daughter graduate, and that one time he acted like he might retire, but come on - was there any doubt? That's not what I'm here to talk about. No, I'm here to talk about Randy Moss. Locker room poision extraordinare, Randy Moss. Earlier this offseason news trickled down from Wisconsin natives via telephone and email that local news stations were picking up this bizzare story about how Favre wanted the Packers to pick up Moss. Clearly, these were lies. No one in the world would actually want Randy Moss on their team. I mean, yeah, he totally makes teams great (just look at the Vikings and Raiders!), but he's the world's biggest ass. And in Wisconsin he's hated more than a day when it snows two feet but you still have school.

This is the guy that leaves fields before games are over. This is the guy who looses a game then tells the press he wasn't trying. This is the guy that pretended to moon the crowd at Lambeau after the Vikings miraculously won a playoff game there in 2005. Packers fans hate Randy Moss. He's the exact opposite of what the great Packers teams were. He's a selfish dick while the Packers we love are humble and like a family. Just look at this quote from after that mooning incident, "Defenses don't frustrate me," Moss said. "My team is what frustrates me. A defense can't frustrate me. What frustrated me is seeing us not doing what we're supposed to do." If he was on the Packers and said something like that the entire state would go nuclear.

And you know what? He would say something like that. There would come a game (probably in the first three weeks) where he didn't get enough catches, or his cocoa wasn't hot enough, or someone asked him to show up for practice, and he would make a statement like this, and it would almost certianly be about Favre. And when he did the Packer nation would want his head. Then they would be in an uproar about why he ever came in the first place - then they'd remember Favre was the guy who brought him here, and they would fall into this loop of contradictory infalable logic - that Randy Moss is the devil, but Brett Favre (god) brought him here. (KABOOM!!!)

I am not one of those Packers fans who thinks Favre is king. I like him (I even loved him in the last four games of last season when he was playing like Favre circa 2001), but I've actually called for him to step down (strangely he didn't listen). I certianly don't want him to step down now - what with Aaron Rodgers breaking his ankle walking onto the field - but I'm afraid his legend would have been greatly tainted had he become the man that brought Randy Moss down upon us, ruining an entire football season.

(Quick side note: I came this close to buying an Aaron Rodgers jersey last season. Dodged that bullet!)

So anyways, Favre, don't be upset that Moss didn't end up in Green Bay - it saved your legacy.