jazzed up in Detroit

It's not hard to envision the difficulty that Neifi Perez might have getting pumped up for a game. He's been at it for 12 seasons, all but a few of them strictly mediocre. He's been on a few good teams, including a run with the Tigers last year. But let's admit, his shining hours of glory ticked away some time ago (around the year 2000, I'd say).

Nowadays, he's looking at a moribund 64 at bats halfway through the season (though he has, remarkably, gone yard ball once). It takes a lot to get up for a game in which you will not play. Evidently, it takes Neifi more than a lot.

Yes, that's right: "Neifi Perez of the Detroit Tigers has been suspended 25 games, effective immediately, for testing positive for a banned Stimulant." (Why do you have to capitalize the word Stimulant?).

You hate to see a guy abuse a substance and still completely suck. Mcgwire hit 70 homers, Giambi got an MVP, Canseco entered the pantheon of literary genius. But what did Neifi get? That single bomb he hit this year?

64 ABs, one homer, 6 RBI, .170 BA, 25 game suspension. Looks like Neifi could use the rest.